What are your feelings telling you? How can you change them?
When I think back to when I was in my worst shape and at highest weight I was constantly eating unhealthy food. After some self examination I was able to realize that I wasn't eating to fuel my body, rather I was eating to fill an an emotional pain/need that had not been met. So I was eating unhealthy foods (and lots of it!) as an unconscious way to cope with my feelings. Around this time I came across a great book by Cal Banyan called The Secret Language of Feelings. From the great foundation of that book I found great personal success by tweaking his method and forming a protocol that better suited me and I would like to share that with you.
I call this the NCIS Transformational Self-Help Protocol. NCIS is a protocol to transform your feelings from “bad” to satisfaction and fulfillment.
Emotion is pure motivation. It’s a psychological pressure to take action.
We are all here on earth with one common interest. To feel great and feel fulfilled. The purpose of our feelings is to show us what what corrective action we need to take in order for us to achieve the feelings of greatness and fulfillment in our lives. When we suppress our feelings, we are suppressing all our motivation to take the required action to feel great and feel fulfillment in our lives. There is good news though, ALL of our feelings are good! There are no “bad” feelings, just misunderstood feelings. What? Yes all feelings are good because even a "bad" feeling will tell you what you are missing in order for you to achieve your desired state of happiness. By ignoring our feelings, our basic needs remain unmet and our lives become filled with frustration, stress and eventually depression. NCIS Protocol has just 4 simple steps to address:
- Name = What is the name/identify of the feeling? (basic emotional pain)
- Cause = What is the cause of the feeling? (unfulfilled need, want, desire)
- Intensity = What words describe the intensity of the feeling?
- Satisfaction = What is a satisfying response? (an action that fulfills the need, want, desire)
Any time you feel out of balance or feel a "bad" feeling simply answer the 4 steps of NCIS and when you take action you will on your way to the personal satisfaction and fulfillment you are looking for. Refer to the chart below for examples.
|
Basic Emotional Pain |
Intensity Examples |
Need, Want, Desire Not Being Met |
|
Boredom |
Lethargic, antsy |
To grow through challenge |
|
Anger |
Mad, irritated, enraged |
To experience fairness for self and others |
|
Guilt |
At fault, Shameful |
To be fair to others |
|
Sadness |
Down, blue, unhappy |
To keep valued things and people |
|
Loneliness |
Isolated, rejected, unwanted |
To have meaningful relationships |
|
Inadequacy |
Not good enough, flawed, stupid |
To feel good enough |
|
Stress |
Overwhelmed, out of control |
To have success in managing one’s life |
|
Fear |
Nervous, frightened, insecure |
To feel safe |
|
Frustration |
Irritated, blocked, disappointed |
To meet needs through own efforts |
|
Depression |
Trapped, hopeless, in the dumps |
To be effective and hopeful |
Here is an example from my personal experience: Today at work I am feeling stressed out!
- Name = I am feeling stressed out.
- Cause = There is a deadline on this project and I'm not sure if I will get everything done on time.
- Intensity = I am feeling overwhelmed and don't know where to start!
- Satisfaction = Create a task list of what needs to be done and then work down that list.
The end result is that after writing down the task list I had a better understanding of what needed to be done and then I was able to not only accomplish the tasks but I actually had extra time to get creative and go above and beyond what was required for the project and it feels great!
Knowledge is only potential power, taking action is true power. Take Action Today!
Credit to Cal Banyan MA, BCH, CI and his book "The Secret Language of Feelings". I highly recommend this book to all.